When my oldest daughter was just over 2 years old, I bought her a cow costume for Halloween. She was with me when we picked it out and she mooed and squealed with delight in that warm, sweet baby voice that makes any mother’s heart melt. For weeks before Halloween, she wore the costume, mooing and jumping and laughing. I couldn’t wait to take her trick-or-treating for the first time. She and I were both convinced it was going to be magical. On the evening of Halloween, I woke her from her nap to get ready to go trick-or-treating.
Lesson one: Never wake a sleeping toddler for your own holiday pleasure. She was cranky and miserable. I wrestled her into the costume, convincing her how much fun we were going to have through my own clenched teeth. She refused to go, and I forced her in the name of fun.
Lesson two: Scowling at children as a way of convincing them they are about to have fun is a poor strategy. She cried, whined, and refused to walk. I schlepped her around the neighborhood wearing high heeled boots and a sweater with no jacket, balancing her on one hip while the thin plastic strap of her plastic pumpkin dug into my wrist. I had such high expectations for our first trick-or-treating experience; by the time we returned home, we were both exhausted and frustrated.
Lesson three: Dress appropriately. Halloween is a contact sport, not a fashion show. Wear appropriate shoes in the event that you have to chase children, run from scary costumes, or carry toddlers through half of Catonsville. Dress warmly. Bring the mittens, scarves, parkas…whatever it takes. It is surprisingly cold waiting for toddlers who insist on walking by themselves or supervising teenagers who insist of filling an entire pillowcase with candy.
Lesson three-and-a-half: A good cup of coffee, hot tea, or a glass of wine is not an accessory but a necessity. Good neighbors who gladly refill your glass are cherished gifts.
Lesson four: There is nothing wrong with eating your children’s candy as payment for your suffering. Don't feel bad. When they have children of their own, you can let them in on the secret and they can have their own after-bedtime candy raids. That night I put my daughter to bed, still in the cow costume, and proceeded to eat almost everything in her plastic pumpkin.
A few years later, my younger daughter hit the same age and I excitedly pulled out the same costume. Just like before, she mooed and giggled until the big day. Just like before, when Halloween came, she was tired and cranky. I had learned my lesson and so when she refused to put up the hood on the costume, I didn’t fight her. It was so cold, she had to wear a coat and no one could see the costume anyway.
Lesson five: Don’t sweat the costume. No one is going to refuse to give candy to a child because they can’t tell if the child is a cow, a dalmation puppy, or Lindsay Lohan. A few years later, the same daughter couldn’t wait to be Tinkerbell and then cried and ran away when I tried to attach the wings. As an experienced mom, I threw away the wings with a smile and secretly ate her candy after she went to bed as payment for trekking around two Targets and the mall to get the perfect Tinkerbell costume, complete with wings.
My girls are now twelve and nine. The benefit of older children is that they walk by themselves and collect their own candy. The downside is that they are no longer happy to walk the neighborhood; they now need to walk every neighborhood in Catonsville in search of the “perfect score.”
Lesson six: End all fights about candy by eating it yourself. My brother and I used to come home from trick-or-treating and would spend the night bartering and trading candy with each other. My daughters do the same. They have learned not to argue because mom will eat whatever candy is the object of discussion. Thank goodness they have learned their lesson because a grown woman can only eat so much candy in one sitting.
My son is almost two and so, once again, I am preparing for Halloween with a toddler. The entire family chose the perfect Halloween costume for him. We purchased the most adorable golfer costume, complete with knickers, tasseled shoes, and a hat. Of course, his feet are too fat to fit into the shoes, he refuses to wear the hat, and when I gave him the stuffed golf club, he threw it on the floor and got his real golf club. I am already prepared that he won’t wear his costume and he will end up toddling down Montrose Avenue in his pajamas and winter coat. All the experienced moms will smile at me and raise their wine glasses as they stroll down the street in their tennis shoes and parkas. I will bring the stroller and he will refuse to get in it because his sisters are walking. Every time someone puts candy in his bag, he will likely cry and toss it on the ground. The girls will insist on hitting every house and I will return home slightly frostbitten. After they go to bed, my husband and I will raid their candy and then vehemently deny it in the morning as we shake off a sugar hangover. It sounds like a bit mess, but I will have had a great time...and hopefully, if I did it right, the children will have enjoyed it too.
Final lesson: Relax, go with the flow, have fun, and don’t take it so seriously. It’s just Halloween. Oh, and don’t forget to save the best candy for yourself.
