Balance: Equilibrium or an equal distribution of parts.
Balance. Such an easy
definition. Such a difficult concept. I haven’t struck balance in thirteen years. It is as if my body houses two vestibular
systems-one that is found in the ear and controls the balance of my body, and a
deeper system that lies within my head and heart that controls all other
balance systems. The second vestibular
system broke the minute a tiny baby started growing inside me. I have consulted doctors, acupuncturists,
personal trainers, therapists, professionals, friends, schools, and books in
search for a cure to my disequilibrium. To
date, I have found no such cure.
I can’t quite figure out how to consistently balance between
work and family. I struggle to balance
time between each child, my husband, my friends, and my extended family. I can’t balance between bouts of extreme
dieting with bouts of sheer gluttony. I have no idea how to balance my desire to be surrounded by the people I love with my need for solitude. I can't balance my own needs with the needs of my children and I certainly have no idea how to make a tripod scale that would also balance the needs my husband.
When it comes to raising my children, my sense of balance is
even worse. I can’t quite figure out how
to balance anything. How do I teach my
children to be successful without cultivating greed, arrogance, and
selfishness? How do I teach my children
to be happy with themselves without leading them to complacency, idleness, and
lack of intellectual, spiritual, and personal development? How do I teach my children to strive for
excellence without at the same time sending the message that the person they
are now is somehow not enough? How I do
teach them justice without causing them look at every situation through the lens of equality or becoming overly reliant on the application of deserts (the justice kind, not the dry, sandy kind)? How do I protect and guide them without creating
dependency and lack of resilience? How do I teach them that
vulnerability and strength can, and should, co-exist?
How do I hold the hard line and help them prepare for adulthood without
seeming cold and indifferent?
I don’t have a great answer-I wish I did. Here is the only tidbit I have used over the
years to help me. When I look at my
children, I ask myself is that behavior something that I would be proud of in
adulthood? Am I teaching them moderation-a balancing of all sides-that will
allow them to self-determine when it is appropriate to be off balance and when
it will be necessary to recalibrate? Am I teaching them to appreciate the nuances of life, the subtle grays of every situation, the beautiful shades of diversity? I am teaching them to always weigh the issues of humanity heavier than tangible items? If
the answer is no, then I know that I must pay attention and teach them better.
I hope than in my struggle to achieve my own
balance, they are learning their own. I
hope that they are learning to embrace the complexities of life, and of themselves.
Perhaps in helping them to seek balance
in their own lives, I will find balance in mine.
