Compassion

To all the mommas who secretly envy the fee time divorced mommas get, here is what you don't know: We do all the same work in half the time and send our kids out into the wilderness every time we kiss them goodbye. We spend time apart from our children worrying and trying to figure out how to stay connected and we spend our time together fighting like crazy to keep our kids on the right path and undo what has been done in that time apart. We fight hidden battles no one could imagine. Our hearts get broken again and again and again. We not only battle societal influences and friend influences, but we battle parental influences, which is so much stronger. We go to war every day to protect our children with half our army. The other half of our army has defected to the other side and knows all our secrets, which makes strategy that much harder. We can't give up because they are our children...and yet, it feels hopeless at times because we seem to be fighting a battle that can't be won.

We are all mommas....we are all tired...and we all have struggles...so please have some compassion. Divorced mommas were once full time mommas. We understand how difficult it can be. We know how tired you are. Please try to understand our struggle. Saying things like, "Must be nice" and "Oh, that's right...you only have your children part of the time. You have it easy." is just hurtful and naive. We don't get the day off just because we aren't physically present with our children. We don't get to be perfect mommies that have all the answers and are idolized-every time we send our children off, someone is telling our children how flawed we are. We are doing the same parenting job with half the tools, myths, values, traditions, and supports.

No one questions how difficult it is to be a full time stay at home mother or a working mother. Divorced mothers are all those things and more. We aren't looking for pity. We aren't looking for judgment. We aren't looking for perspective. We aren't looking for a scorecard. We are just looking for compassion.